Bird brains

For some lighthearted fun – a brief rundown of some parrot personalities



African Grey:

No not there!  That toy is going to eat me!

See that?  That big white bird?  It wants to eat me!

Wait, a different cage?!  No!  The cage will eat me!

Beeep Beeep Beeep Beeep… *laser beam noise* Beeep Beeep Beeep Beeep!  What took you so long!?  What if something was trying to eat me??

A new perch?  Are you crazy, I just know that’s really going to try to eat me!

Ok I’ll go into a different room with you… but make sure you keep all the doors open!  I don’t want any of them trying to eat me!

Hey, this play stand is nice!  I really like it… oh what’s that… a corner.  I bet something around there is going to eat me!


Me!   It’s all about me, isn’t it?  I know this is all about me!  The second you opened the door, you just wanted to see me!  I know, I know, I’m perfect… after all, we’re talking about ME over here, right?!  No… no!  Leave that nervous gray wreck alone… that’s not me!!


Can I have some of that?  I really want some, honest!  No really, I mean it, I want some of that food you have.  Hey *weird vocalization of a car alarm* I’m talking to you over there… yeah you… with the food!  God… I’m sooooo hungry… so so so very hungry!  Just a small bite, alright?


Can I eat this?  No?  What about that?  Can I eat that?

I know I can chew this, right?  Why put a chew toy along the bottom of your wall if you don’t want me to chew it?!

Hey you! *sound of a 120 decibel jet engine warming up* Do I have your attention now?

Nice shirt… can I chew it?  What about those round things on it, can I eat one?

What about him, over there… that small, gray, neurotic bird, can I eat him?

That’s it pal!  Hope you weren’t attached to that finger ’cause I’m going to eat it!!


Awh f*** this, I’m outta here!


I am an animal advocate. I not only love, but respect animals... all animals. I have spent several years of my life dedicated to working in animal rescue and now have very little left to lose in expressing my true thoughts and ideals on the subject.

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2 comments on “Bird brains
  1. Annemarie says:

    I laughed, then spent some time translating bird personalities into those of people I knew in high school. Throw in a vampire or two and I think there’s a book in there.


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